I just realized that I accidentally lied to my very own grandmother on Facebook.  I said that we didn’t stop in Texas, aside from at the rest stop/scenic vista place.  OOps!  I’m ashamed, because I’m a complete liar.  Ignorance and bad memory is no excuse, right?  Of course.  To be clear, we only went through the very tippy top portion, and it was very short and quick.

We got hungry in Texas.  I couldn’t help it.  We were driving along, and there’s this neat looking place, with a giant cowboy sign, and a REALLY enormous steer in front, and colorful buildings and I was sold when I saw something about barbecue.  Because, that’s, you know… FOOD.  In addition, it said something about a horse hotel.  I was intrigued.  Plus, CC gets really crabby when she’s hungry, and I didn’t want to be trapped in a car with that mess of nonsense.

You would’ve stopped too.  Admit it.

We walked in, and the first thing I noticed is a bunch of dead stuff.  I don’t really like eating in the midst of dead stuff, but that’s a personal preference.  However, this is when the idea was born to scare the bejeez out of people by telling them I was attacked by a bear.

I was so excited when I took this picture that I literally jumped up and down clapping my hands at the evil genius of my plan.  Real stinking genius.  I didn’t bring the cable to get the pictures OUT of the camera and onto some sort of device.  STOOOOPID!!  Anyhow, we got quite a laugh out of it, and I’ve already mentioned my later prank with the mountain lion ad nauseam.  It was born from this picture.  See…. I can learn, I knew enough to take the second picture with the cell phone!!

We got our table, talked to the waitress a bit.  Apparently the restaurant has a food challenge, and none other than the most awesome Adam of Man vs. Food at some point visited, took the challenge, and BEAT IT in half the time allowed.  If you watch the show, you know that he visits one local food joint that has the best food in town, and one place that has a food challenge.  Unfortunately we didn’t go to the best food in town place, so once again the meal was “just ok.”  Bummer.  We did have a nice time watching the big men in the cowboy hats cook, and the conversation was great.  The kids got these cowboy boot shaped cups (which of course were our nemesis for the remainder of the trip… they fit nowhere!) that were cute.  My husband suddenly gets an idea and tells me that he thought the Cadillac Ranch was nearby and we HAD to see it.

Now I thought that this was some strip club, and so I’m sitting there thinking f*** you, if you think you’re going to take my 13 year old son into a strip place.  Seriously!!  I don’t care if we ARE in Texas!!  What the hell am I supposed to do, sit in the car outside with the kids?  Maybe a divorce is in order on this stupid trip!  Whose idea was this, anyhow?

So I stewed over the rest of my meal, which was mediocre at best.  Who thinks that a barbecue place will be good just because it has a big happy looking cowboy on the sign, anyhow?  Everything was stupid.  Oh, and a horse hotel?  It’s a stable for people traveling with their horses.  Not nearly as cool as I thought it should have been.

On our way out of town towards Albuquerque, my dear soon-to-be ex-husband (at this point) pulls a U-turn and parks in this dirt patch on the side of the road alongside a chain link fence.  I was beyond angry and didn’t even ask.  I just got out of the car into the hot, hot sun with the dirty wind blowing microscopic sharp shit in my face.  It was desolate.  When we went through the gate, I read a sign that strictly prohibited spray painting on the outside of the fence.  For the record, someone had painted on it.  Of course, right?

As we walked down this dirt path with the stinging wind in our faces I see that there are people out in this field.  Not a ton, but some.  They all had their clothes on, too.  No whores at all!!!

There were all these cars sticking out of the ground, in every color.  The ground was littered with spray paint cans and lids, and it was REALLY COOL.  I highly advise that you go there.  Like right now.  Seriously, go ahead!

So, the Cadillac Ranch.  NOT a whore house.  Who knew?

We were so totally there.