All this dog wants to do is get that bird. That’s is all. And she whines in the most pitiful way.
Must.Shake.Bird.
Archive for the ‘Random nonsense’ Category
The gross one
In Healthy shmealthy, Punishment for what?, Random nonsense, Self-deprecating humor, Stick a fork in it! on March 8, 2012 at 10:04 pmI was able to bottle my second batch of kombucha after work today and start the third batch brewing! I got a great suggestion from a friend and moved my jug to the top of the refrigerator for a little warmth, which reduced my fermentation time by half on the second batch. Woot woot! My mother yeast is fully developed now, and it makes for some tasty ass tea. The process is much more streamlined as well, so it’s actually very quick work getting the scoby transferred to a new tea and the fermented brew bottled up. It took me maybe fifteen minutes. Two days of rest seem to create the perfect amount of carbonation and flavor before the bottles go into the fridge and we’re good to go. Easy peasy.
This past week I have been drinking mostly GT’s Enlightened. I was trying to conserve. I had a bottle of home brew on Monday when I was at home sick, and one today. On Tuesday morning I felt so good that I thought I had acquired the only four day cold known to man. Of course, when I went to work Tuesday and sat in the recycled air for a few hours I changed my tune. Tuesday and Wednesday I had GT’s Enlightened at work and felt pretty unwell. Today I woke up feeling crappy and off. When I left for work I forgot my ginger water with lemon, forgot most of the food I normally bring to eat for breakfast, and forgot my kombucha. When I got home I drank a bottle of my own tea. I feel better this evening than I have all week since Tuesday morning. I think this stuff is powerful. Tomorrow I am taking a bottle with me to work. We shall see the effect of the canned air on my well being while on the juice!
What else am I doing? Taking elderberry religiously. Sniffing a Vicks stick, taking my vitamins, drinking plenty of water. Snorting and gargling salted water and blowing my nose every three minutes. Eating well. I know it’s gross, but I also spit stuff out that comes out of my throat. I know it’s TMI, but my grandma always always insisted that I never ever swallow sick. So I don’t.
Did I ever tell the most disgusting story that I’ve got?
I was driving my Jeep in the summer with the top down and the doors off back in the day. Someone in a car in front of me spit out of their window, and the aerodynamics of the cars and the wind carried it around my windshield. I had sunglasses on and it went inside my glasses In. My. Eye. Semi solid. I almost caused an accident with my complete and total freak out. I’m pretty sure that I had Suicidal Tendencies playing in the cassette player (it was stuck in the player on constant replay for a year or so) and I may have actually had suicidal tendencies at that moment. Or rather, murderous. I almost hurled.
So now you can rest easy that any other story I tell you will be tolerable, because you made it through that one. Good on you!
Oh crap, I just realized that the kombucha/illness experiment results will be skewed tomorrow because it’s jeans day. On account that jeans make everything better.
I hope you’re all wearing jeans.
Sorry for the loogie story.
Thanking God there are no pictures, aren’t you?
What a surprise
In Random nonsense on February 24, 2012 at 5:51 pmI have an unexpected day off today. The superintendent of the school district called a late start because of the snow storm that was expected to continue into the morning. Maybe it’s just me, but this two hour delay in the morning start time (with the same release time) is completely wack (thank you Whitney!). I’m sure I would be fine with it if I stayed home as a full time career, but since I DON’T, it sucks. I have a really flexible schedule and a really understanding hierarchy of bosses, but I can’t imagine that everyone is so lucky. It just doesn’t make sense. I think it would be easier if they just called a snow day already. My kids school day today started an hour before I normally get off of work. I work a 40 minute drive from here. How exactly is that supposed to work? I don’t know how people who can’t take the day off convince their boss that it’s ok to come in over two hours late. Oh well. So here I am at home. Taking a day off of work, not even to spend time with my kids because they are at school. Stupid.
I get bored and lonely at home when my kids aren’t here. I have these ambitious dreams that I am going to accomplish a bunch of stuff, but mostly I wander around feeling alone and wishing I enjoyed cleaning so that I would maybe clean something. I don’t, and I haven’t.
To make myself feel useful today, I am making kale chips. Again. The first time was a major bust because they were… how do I put this….. disgusting. I don’t know if I used too much oil, too much nutritional yeast, or what, but I literally ate one and threw the whole batch away. I’m fairly certain it was user error. This time I am using a simpler method tested by a friend which uses just oil and dried spices. She loves them, here’s hoping I do, too.
*update… they smell like cabbage while they’re baking. this is not a great sign**
My weekend plans include digging out and washing the old grolsch-type bottles from the garage for the kombucha (on an excellent recommendation). This will have to serve as notice that those bottles are officially retired from holding my Christmas Irish Cream for the masses. Oooh, and this will make for a great opportunity to visit that grow/brew shop that opened in the next town over! A girl needs new gaskets every so often.
We will also be watching the snow fall, working in the basement, and snake wrangling.
Fun stuff, eh?
I’m a loser, baby
In Random nonsense, Self-deprecating humor, Who comes up with this stuff? on February 5, 2012 at 2:05 pmIt’s been one of those kind of weekends.
Hubby has been hard at work on the basement all weekend.
We needed supplies from Menards, so we made a stop first at the grocery for ingredients to make an easy dinner. While I was shopping, my phone made its distinctive dinging sound, which meant I had a text.
It was my sister, asking on behalf of her daughter if MY daughter was coming to the sleep over birthday party that started an hour earlier. Preplanned. With USPS mailed invitations and everything.
The evening started an unnatural (and uncomfortable) acceleration from that ding going forward.
Oh, and then there was this on our way out:
Don’t be jealous. The little one gave me a Valentine, and the big one gave me a hug. An awkward one, of course, him being in a box and all. But, I mean, how do you say no to a gift directly from God? Not a gift just for me entirely, obviously. Apparently I have to share with all women, if I’m reading the tag correctly.
Yea, it’s been one of THOSE types of weekends.
Tuesday funnies
In Random nonsense on November 29, 2011 at 6:26 amI realized as I was driving in to work this morning, jamming out to Tom Petty, that my tapping toe felt funny.
No, those are not the shoes I intended to wear with a skirt. I forgot my “work” shoes, and had worn my “run out and start the car early so it warms up” shoes instead.
I looked like Olive Oil, only without her Popeye. Dammit.
**hangs head in shame**
On Gratitude
In Random nonsense, Self-deprecating humor on August 19, 2011 at 7:07 amAs I drove in to work this morning, I planned this elaborate blog post in my head, all sappy sweet and poetic about how fantastic everything is. I was listening to Pink Floyd, and watching a sun rise, and thinking about some quippy mug I saw saying “the early bird gets the worm,” and feeling quite pleased with myself. It’s a challenge to write a blog post in my head on less than 5 hours of sleep and then be able to “get it on paper” afterwards. So I’m thinking that I’m pretty clever in my phrasing and all that nonsense, until I realize that in the end I have essentially said that I have worms. A whole lotta worms.
Because there’s nothing more poetic in the early morning than thinking about telling everyone that I have parasites.
And people, I SO DO NOT HAVE PARASITES!
I’m just a lot grateful. And a little bit sleepy.
Patting myself on the back
In Nothing to it but to do it, Random nonsense on July 5, 2011 at 11:20 amAnother random and minor project completed.
I never knew how horrible a white door on a brown house could be. Especially one that never, ever gets used. Seriously, who needs to visit me in the laundry room? Either way, I’m taking “paint door” AND “install screen” AND “paint screen” off my list. Permanently.
Round Two
In Nothing to it but to do it, Punishment for what?, Random nonsense on June 27, 2011 at 11:01 pm
So we got the first half of phase 1 basement remodel completed, and here we go on the second.
Just finished carrying a trillion plus six pounds of 10 foot long 5/8″ drywall for miles (ok, from the car around to the backyard into the basement, but still).
This is not something we should be doing in preparation for a party. Seriously, most people just clean the floors, right?!
The upside is that somewhere in all of the dust I can see the outline of my dream home, which fills me with joy.
Still, I can’t wait to be done, because drywall is heavy. And I’m sorta on the woosie end of the strength spectrum. Just sayin’.
London Calling
In Random nonsense, Things we've put the ground, Who comes up with this stuff? on June 15, 2011 at 8:21 pmSo my hubby made it safely to the other side of the pond. He was landing on solid ground as I was dragging my dead ass to work on Monday. I work at an obscenely early hour, I just decided. As if I hadn’t already made that clear.
Is obscenely a word? As it relates to my work schedule, it must be.
As is common practice, I have turned into a completely different type of parent now that THE MAN isn’t around. Letting the kids sleep in my bed, staying up late playing video games, eating ice cream, renting 4 movies from Redbox even though we won’t watch them all before they’re due back, eating out, having lots of kids over. Yea, I’m really living on the edge.
Besides all the enjoyable stuff, there’s plenty of not enjoyable stuff going on, too. Moving rocks around in my yard (big rocks), adding dirt by the 40 lb bag (there’s a million places that could use topsoil around here, I get 5-6 bags every time we go to Home Depot…15 so far this week), painting the primer on the drywall, spraying round up on the weeds.
This is the first time I’ve really used a weed killer in my yard, and I’m really struggling with it. On the one hand, I put together the diaphragm pump hubby bought me all by myself, and I was really happy to have it. Then, as I was spraying weeds all over the place, I started thinking about how many toads there used to be when I was growing up around here. There were also turtles, frogs, and snakes. I haven’t seen a snake in YEARS (no thanks to my mom, I might add). I know it’s all the chemicals we (as a community, I don’t have lawn treatment) put in the grass and all over every living thing. I have… GUILT. Over the weeds. On the other hand, I have no chance against the weeds up in here! Seriously I am fighting a losing battle. As in I’m being bludgeoned by cotton pickin’ thistle to within inches of my life. Yes, I know that it’s actually a beautiful plant when it flowers, but it also hurts if you so much as brush up against it. I could fill a landscape bag with thistle right now if I put my mind to it. A whole bag. Just thistle. Oh, and don’t get me started on the Stinging Nettle which has made itself quite comfortable leaning into the seating area on my lower deck. For those who haven’t encountered this lovely invasive, yes, it lives up to its name and stings. FOR HOURS.
So after a multi-year and ongoing toad relocation project, I feel like I’m no better than any of the other jokers out there chemically spraying the life out of everything. Besides which, as of this morning the damned weeds weren’t even looking like they have been affected!
What the french, toast?
Couple ‘a, few things
In Random nonsense on March 26, 2011 at 12:54 pmFirst, I feel I have to explain the lack of photographs of late. My husband has been knee deep in a basement remodel that includes a fair amount of demolition. We currently have our “big” computer disconnected and tucked safely away somewhere in a corner (this occurred only after our printer/scanner was killed dead two weekends ago because it WASN’T tucked away safely anywhere). My laptop doesn’t really have the capability to handle the photos from my big girl camera. So no photos for you. Or me. Boo.
Second, and this may be old news to a couple of you, I have purchased the most fantastic umbrella. Man, if that computer was up I would SO have a big fat picture in here. So sorry you’ll have to use your mind’s eye. Big, clear, bubble umbrella with silver edging and a big hooked crystal clear lucite handle. Fan.Tas.Tic. I am such a child when I bust that baby out. Bring on the spring rains!
**I apologize in advance if I have just jinxed the area into the first ever spring drought.**
I also need to send a big THANK YOU to my friend Janet for seeing the absolute joy that came over my face when I spotted that baby at the store, and who gently nudged me to stop being so flipping uptight and buy it already! Sometimes it’s fun to be frivolous. In addition, I need to apologize to all the superstitious souls who had to witness me opening my umbrella on multiple occasions INDOORS to show it off, because it truly is that cool.
Third, I have survived my first attempt at yoga. I just needed to share that. However, I have had to apply Bengay to my shoulder ever since, and because of this I now smell like an old man. I hope it feels better by next session, but either way I’ll mention it to the instructor to see if I can avoid a similar fate the next time.
Fourth, my dear husband and my unbelievably talented yet stage-shy son played an open mic together at the local Borders last night. Luckily for them I hadn’t yet applied any Bengay or it would have been even MORE embarrassing for the boy. As if the video camera and the hearts shooting out of my eyes weren’t enough, right? I’ve posted a couple of videos (with permission) on my YouTube channel for anyone interested, they are the two with the date in the title (March 25). FYI, he is not at all comfortable playing in front of people, and we’re still unsure if it will ever happen again. It was more traumatic than it appears.
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheTinyTyrantVideo
Fifth and finally, I just wanted to tell everyone hi. HI!! Even though it was snowing JUST LAST NIGHT, the sun is out, spring is on its way, and I’m feeling pretty darned good, aside from the overwhelming smell of Bengay making my eyes water, and the pain in my shoulder that is a complete buzz kill. But, of course these are things I can work around.
Peace to the many who don’t have it so good, you’re on my mind.
